On the other hand, I love, love, love the “Misheard Lyrics” videos. I’m a paradox. Bite me… and enjoy

And if you’re like me, there’s probably two or three for you out there.

SAVOR THE WEIRD.  Let its flavor roll around on your tongue for a while and fill your entire mouth, permeating your sinus cavities.  Breathe deeply and let it absorb into every inch of your body.  Digest it as if your body were starved for it.  (which, in fact, it is)  You’ll soon realize that the taste of true love is unlike anything you’ve had before, and is supremely delicious in it’s own way.

There’s no turning back, now.

and

A slow-ass moving vehicle with mattresses precariously strapped to its top and sewage trucks.

‘Splain that to me.

1.  Poached eggs.

2.  Jagermeister.

3.  The Kardashians.

4.  Auto-tune.

5.  Reptile ownership.

6.  Hummers.  (As in the vehicle, not the fellatio)

7.  Breast implants.

8.  Foursquare, Gowalla, et al

9.  Tapioca pudding.

10.  Chuck E. Cheese.

11.  Smoking Cloves.

12.  Farmville.

13.  Twilight.

Love,

The Q

and all the patients were shouting, ‘13….13….13.’

The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in

the planks, so I looked through to see what was going on…..

Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick!

Then they all started shouting ‘14….14….14′…

It was bad enough when all the social media “experts” started to invade.  But then, the marketing people showed up.  And now?  The worst has happened.  Celebrities have decided to take Twitter and turn it into their own, personal high school cafeteria.  Fuck this shit.  Is it not enough that we are forced to live with the celebrity culture everywhere else?  I can’t even go to the goddamn grocery store without airbrushed collagenized surgically enhanced famous people staring at me from the magazine racks while I self-consciously place my Chex Mix on the conveyor belt.

I believe that Twitter is at its best when you find people–real people–who are hilarious, talented, witty, successful and cool; people you may have never had the chance to meet in person–and you actually BECOME FRIENDS with them.  EUREKA!

I believe I am an excellent example of my own passion for Populist Twittering.  Therefore, I will present you with TEN REASONS why you should follow ME on Twitter.  And if you agree–please leave a comment with YOUR Twitter ID.

1.  I follow everyone who follows me.

That’s right.  I’m no snob.  If you want to be my friend, I’ll be your friend.  Because I’m on Twitter to meet people, not dispense my pearls of fucking wisdom and receive adulation.

2.  I RT.

I’m not just following you to get more followers, or to try to get my numbers higher.  I read all my Tweets and I will RT anything that is funny, interesting, or educational.  This also means that if you see me RT something, you can count on it to be worth reading or clicking.

3.  I’m NOT famous.

Nope.  I’m an average person.  I’m on Twitter because I enjoy people, and I love the application.  There’s no public relations agenda.  I’m not looking for a new way to get you to watch my show, read my book, vote for me, or buy my shit.

4.  I Say What I Really Think.

Because I’m not famous, I don’t have to worry about damaging my reputation or losing profitability when I speak my mind.  That means you get the real deal.  And yes, it is often absurd.  Even foolish.  But whatthefuckever, man.  I’m free!

5.  I Invented #toiletweet.

‘Nuff Said.

6.  I Promote My Followers.

If you are a cool person and you have a great business, I have no problem telling everyone (online and off) about you and your company.  I keep track of who on Twitter does what for a living and will pass their website/email along to others when the opportunity presents itself.

7.  You Never Know What I’m Going to Say.

I might be funny.  I might be pissed.  I might be Tweeting about the episode of Top Chef I’m watching.  But you’ll never know until you tune in.

8.  I’m Nice.

No, seriously.  I might cuss and spit and swear; and I might have a sarcastic attitude.  But the reality is that I’m a really nice person and I’ll go to the ends of the earth for the people I really care about.  And that includes people I interact with on a daily basis on Twitter.

9.  My #followfriday Picks are Reliably Good.

I recommend people on Friday if they are good Tweeters.  My #followfriday picks are people that consistenly tweet interesting, amusing, and useful stuff.

10.  Because I AM Twitter.  And so are you.

Do you think you deserve to be followed on Twitter even though you’re not a celebrity or CEO?  Do you love Twitter and use it faithfully?  If so, follow me and my partner in crime:

@ImTheQ

@mojowriting

Also, please Tweet and RT this blog post with the hashtag: #wethetweeps

2.  Cats can read the minds of humans.

3.  Eating spaghetti makes you a better dancer.

4.  New York is a State of Mind.

5.  All mothers have their childrens’ best interests at heart.

6.  In the future we will all wear shiny metallic silver clothing and big boots.

7.  The Chupacabra has it’s own very popular blog.

8.  Eventually people will stop typing things like “u” “plz” and “thx”

9.  Elvis is alive and well in Barbados.

10.  Marketing will soon cease to become a viable profession and products and services will be bought and sold based entirely on their true value.

11.  I live in beach front property.

12.  Kosher hotdogs with Sauerkraut and Spicy Deli Mustard make you smarter.

13.  Pantsuits are illegal.

14.  Love is all you need.

15.  My ass is firm.

16.  President Obama plays air guitar in the oval office when no one is looking.

17.  The Meek Shall Inherit the Earth.

18.  Jessica Simpson has retired.

19.  My bailout check is here!

20.  Neil Diamond will play at my next birthday party.